Yell, Hug, Repeat

Today is a raining cool, fall day and what better day to write about a topic that is sometimes dreary as well.  Parenting, better yet, when your kids don’t listen.  I am not sure about you but there are some days that really test my patience as a parent.  I mean how many times can I say put “this” away or go get your shoes on.  Sometimes I wonder am I speaking a different language? Do my children have hearing loss? Yes, sometimes my thoughts go there.  Then begins the cycle.  As I like the call it “yell, hug, repeat”.  Yell, hug, repeat is a REAL thing.  For the longest time I have struggled with being a “yeller”.  I was raised by my mom and let me tell you she was a yeller! I was barely spanked that I can remember but I am not sure what was worse, a spanking or  yelling.  So of course as I became a mom, I SWORE that I would not be a yeller.  Have you ever done that? Swore to not do something your parents did?  Hmmm how long did that last?!  Yep, I am a yeller.  While it is not something I am proud of; I do find some peace in knowing that I am not a parent who likes to spank.

As I have met more friends and parents who have children the same age as my boys I have learned that I am not the only parent who yells.  Earth-shattering right!? I mean for the longest time I carried so much guilt that I was the only momma who yelled when I got upset at my boys.  Now, just because I have aligned with other parents who yell, does not make it right, nor do I condone it.  What I want to talk about is what we can do to try to minimize the yell, hug, repeat cycle.  First let me define the cycle and then determine if you ever fall into this cycle as well.

Yell, hug, repeat, as I define it is when you get upset at your child for (insert behavior), they have consequence or get mad at you as well.  Then once the yelling is done you hug it out and remember how much you love your little feisty child and of course say those infamous words of “I am never going to yell like that again”.  AND, now for the repeat…it may be days, weeks or even a few minutes later and the ridiculous cycle starts all over! It pains me to say that this cycle for me can happen multiple times a day on a truly bad day.     I get all worked up, beat myself up and cry right along with my kid because I feel awful for yelling. But what can I say, I am human and make mistakes and as a parent we all have a limit.  The great thing is there is hope and I can change.  We all can. Like I said before I am so not proud of my own behavior when I get into this cycle but I am here to say that when I take time to make sure my own world is firing on all cylinders the cycle happens fewer and far between.

Of course it takes a lot for my world to fire on all cylinders.  An example would be: I get enough sleep, not allow myself to get hungry, take time to speak to God, through prayers, devotions or even chats with friends about faith topics, I get my morning walk in, and feel productive as a mom/wife/friend/daughter etc.  WOW what a list right? How many days a week does this actually all fall into place, hmmm, maybe once.  But let me tell you when all is well it is magical.  I feel like such a better parent.  Can any of you relate? Your world falling into place may seem like the presence of a unicorn needs to happen and unfortunately life happens and each day is not going to be like this.  I know the biggest thing that needs to happen in my life is I need time with God.  I need to be able to slow down and take a few minutes to get myself right and ask for grace and then I am able to be a better person throughout the day.  I am not perfect and if I take time to draw near to the one who is, my cup can be poured into allowing me to also give more grace to the little boys who have all of my heart.  Today was one of those days.  I was able to get plenty of sleep (everyone stayed in their own beds and slept all night), I laid out the morning plans for the boys so they knew what to expect and how much time they had for their morning routine, I had coffee and great conversation with a dear friend and then put down my phone and actually played in the playroom with a bunch of toys that my 3-year-old hasn’t touched in months.  Getting down on the floor and playing was so much fun and I am pretty sure it meant the world to him.  Yes, I had a list of things to do and things I wanted to be doing but taking a half hour to play was just what my soul needed to recharge.

So how can we help stop the yell, hug, repeat cycle.  1. Take time for yourself.  Self care is so huge and I know a lot of people minimize how important it is.  Let me ask you, if you are not your best self, how can you be your best to the loved ones in your life? There is no shame in the game of self-care.  2. Take time to be present with your kids.  Yes there are 24 hours in a day and we pretty much pack as much as we can into each day due to school, work, social media, sports, homework, friends etc.  Even if we just spend 20 minutes of quality time it will mean so much to our children.  I know I am guilty of putting my wants/needs ahead of my kiddos.  There are days I just want to veg and check out whats on my phone and then get upset when they want to watch a show or use my phone.  So I need to be better at putting my phone down and being with my kids.

Yell, hug, repeat is a real thing in my life, and it may be real in your life too.  Or you may have your own type of cycle that you and your family fall into. Whatever your cycle is, know that it doesn’t have to be that way.  Also know that other people may be experiencing the cycle as well.  Like I have said before find your tribe! You are not perfect and nobody expects you to be.  You are loved! As we are all on this crazy ride called parenting I would love to hear from you.  Do you experience the yell, hug, repeat cycle or has this post made you realize you have a different cycle all together when it comes to parenting.  Let me know, we are all in this together!

Until next time, may you find you in your journey! Happy Fall!